Round 24; 2014 – Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs vs Wests Tigers

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Dogs vs TigersOn a bludging, rainy Sydney Thursday night, the pharmaceutical companies hijacked the NRL and tested a new form of visual valium. Disturbing side effects included making your brain numb and wishing you were watching Souffs instead.

In an indictment of the poor quality of this game and I can nearly guarantee this review will not be any more boring than the majority of this clash.

Things started promisingly enough with Cory Paterson named on the wing for the Tigers. It was all down hill from there though for the big man. The last time I saw someone look so out of place was when Daniel Vidot walked into “The Tasteful Tattoo Convention”. The Dogs targeted the chrome dome on the Tigers left flank with repeated success, with Tim  Lafai being made to look like Greg Inglis and Josh Jackson made to look like Josh Jackson (Pacey from Dawson’s Creek, who I assume was a pretty good backrower). Tigers fans were wishing Joel Reddy was back in their team which is a sentence that has never, ever been uttered up until this point.

Strong first performances for the Dogs included Pacey, Haggard Old James Graham and Greg Eastwood. Trent Hodkinson played one of his better games for a while, and one can only hope he is getting over his Origin hangover. Des should make him shelve a few Beroccas. For the Tigepies, Woods and Farah were not completely hopeless, which is about the best compliment you could give any of the team. On the other end of the spectrum, has Chris Lawrence caught a fucking ball all year?

Half time was the worst thing to happen to this game, as from the 41st minute onwards the efficacy curve of the visual valium really took effect. Was it the wet weather? Was it that the players couldn’t be fucked playing in front of 45 people in an empty stadium? Was Des Hasler trolling David Gyngell and Channel 9 by telling his players to take the foot off the pump? Maybe the Bulldogs although comfortable winners against the 4th string Tigers side, are not really as quality as it would seem. Either way, anyone who sat through the second half deserves a medal or at least some pharmaceutical grade MDMA.

Bulldogs 30 defeated Potters Poopers 10

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