Season Preview 2017 – Penrith Panthers

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Penrith PanthersPenrith fans rejoice! For the past few years my podcast compadre Pedro has had the task of previewing the Panthers seasons and he has been less than glowing in his assessments. It may or may not be because a serial killer named Royce Simmons (no relation) murdered all his family but nonetheless he has some sort of vendetta against the team from the foot of the mountains. And didn’t the fans let him know. After posting the reviews our website crashed each time. We assumed it was Russian hackers but now we know it was enraged Penny fans. But don’t worry, I have only positive things to say about the Panthers (and not because they have footage of me being peed on by Colyton hookers in a Panther Leagues club hotel room).

The first positive sign that Penrith can go far in 2017 is that they have made a BIG signing. And I’m not talking about big just as in physical stature, but also is reputation. That man is…Tim Browne. Stifled by the coaching of Des Hasler look for Tim to assert himself this year and perhaps take the Blues spot of lesser Penrith signing James Tamou. Tim Browne reminds me a bit of Corey Payne. And not just because Phil Gould will regret his employment after 4 months.

The Panthers are a breeding ground for up and coming players and I dare not mention any single young player lest I offend Panthers fans and my “Panthers Watersport” tape leaks. The development within the club will no doubt been aided by the construction of the Panthers Rugby League Academy. It has not been heavily publicized but the building has recently has some recent additions, namely state of the art CCTV cameras to stop Bryce Cartwright’s vengeful ex-girlfriend from killing him.

What more can be said about Matt Moylan, that hasn’t been uttered from the side of the fellating mouths of the Channel 9 commentary box? Whether he plays fullback or in the halves in the future will inevitably be determined by Tim Browne after a Corey Payne-esque rise to Panthers CEO.

Peta Hiku and Dean Whare were barely sighted last year. Injury hasn’t been kind in the last couple of years…its almost as if the team has been bestowed bad luck by seeing a traditionally unlucky symbol (a black cat you dummies!). Maybe the strength and conditioning team are forced to promote the health and fitness benefits of OAK milk above any other food. Either way competition for spots can only be beneficial in the outside backs as well as the halves and well as in the hooker position (Mitch Rein lol).

Panthers to push for top 6 unless John Grant steps down from the ARLC and Tim Browne/Corey Payne replace him as a twin candidate wearing some sort of giant trenchcoat.


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