Season Preview 2017 – Cronulla Sutherland Sharks

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Cronulla SharksIt was always going to be a challenge for the Sharks to win back-to-back premierships, but it has been made all the more difficult with the news that someone within the organization tested positive to drugs in the off-season.

That person was of course the individual who decided signing T-Rex was a good idea. I don’t know who calls the shots in regards to recruitment at the Sharks, but I have a fair suspicion I could track them down easily by checking their pupils. Maybe Shane Flanagan just needs a new goal. What challenges do you have after winning a premiership? Maybe trying to be the coach that can make Tony Williams play more like a dinosaur from Jurrassic Park and less like the one from the Wiggles.

In less tangible evidence of drug use, Ben Barba’s urine was found to contain cocaine in the days following the Grand Final. As a consequence, Barba was sacked, re-hired from mid season onwards and was told that he would have to train by himself. A bad situation was made worse when he was told to “stay away from the white line” and Barba thought though he heard “Go try some fine wine” and decided to move to the South of France. Valentine Holmes will fill in at the back so every white line does have a silver lining. (NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Does youse guys coke have silver flecks in it or have I been ripped off?).

Michael Ennis has retired from the NRL, presumably due to complications of an STD he caught from a Norwegian (At least that’s what I skim read…something about a Viking Clap). The Sharks are hoping they can get a hooker that’s been plying their trade recently in England, but don’t want to pay a big fee from their pimp (Leeds). Perhaps that’s why they signed a few hookers, one from the Gold Coast and one from Campbelltown who was sick of being a second string hooker but might find themselves in the same situation. Whoever replaces Ennis has a big task ahead; not only do they have to be a good rake, they have grow their hair so their forehead is only 2cm wide.

One big positive for the Sharks premiership defence is that Paul Gallen won’t have the distraction of Origin. Another big positive is that he has signed up for SuperCoach Gold and has instructed his SuperCoach score be sent to his in-jersey GPS via a series of morse code bleeps live during game play. That way he can take a few more runs to get his stats up and overcall Chad Townsend in the 20m zone.

Perhaps the biggest sign on intent that the club really wants to win two in a row is the fact they shelled out the big bucks in a bidding war for noted big game player Jeremy Latimore. Shots fired other 15 clubs.


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