Season Preview 2017 – Canberra Raiders

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Canberra RaidersAfter a strong 2016, the Raiders head into 2017 with an air of expectation. Being a fan of a perennially under-performing team I’m not used to that. It makes me feel weird seeing Gus Gould tweet positive feelings about my beloved Green Machine. So to dampen the expectations and as a panacea for my anxiety, I’ve decided to compile a list of why the Raiders won’t succeed this year.



  • Jack Wighton to be brutalized by the judiciary – After embarrassing the NRL by beating that shoulder charge booking last year, the match review committee will be looking for revenge at the slightest indiscretion. Grade 3 spit on the field?


  • Dave Taylor to play well for 3 weeks…and then thinks he’s a halfback again

(He is not a halfback)

  • Jarrod Croker’s leg injury turns out to be worst than first thought – Will he ever kick goals again? Will it require amputation? Will he amputate the other leg and play Lieutenant Dan in a local production of Forest Gump?


  • Edrick Lee sad and can’t concentrate now his cousin Brenko Lee is gone

(I cri)

  • The NRL makes the Raiders play  ‘The Rookie’ Lou Goodwin in an attempt prove the TV concept wasn’t horseshit

(One of the challenges was to pat a dog)

  • Sezer’s field goal attempts will get even worse

(Get your eye in Aiden)

  • Jordan Turner was only signed because they thought he was related to former Raider Glenn Turner

(He is not related to Glenn Turner)

  • Junior Paulo suspended for Round 1 – Junior Paulo thinks putting on headgear makes him unrecognisable and/or invisible. He’s already tried club rugby, so on his week off what’s next? Women’s AFL? Sitting in on a Senate committee?


  • Most of the team is picked for Origin, including Clay Priest #Priest4Origin

(He wore his jersey to get his passport photo done)

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