Season Preview 2016 – Sydney Roosters

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Sydney RoostersIt’s an amazing feat that the Roosters have won the last 3 minor premierships. But as Geoffrey Chauncer posited in 1374 “All good things must come to an end”. And while 2016 won’t see the boys from Bondi at the bottom of the table, they should prepare themselves for some mid-table mediocrity.

Let’s address the elephant in the room. Yes, Ian Henderson has returned from the Catalan Dragons to be a back-up hooker option. Yes, Jake Friend is shitting himself. Is it any wonder rival fans question the Rooster’s elastic salary cap?

RTS is gone. James Maloney is gone. Michael Jennings has to play for the Eels as part of the punishment for his brother breaking that boom gate in a Parramatta car park. Mitchell Pearce is in rehab* in Thailand. (*Rehab is the name of a street dog in Phuket). You’d forgive coach Trent Robinson for running out into his street and yelling frustratingly “I’ll fuck a dog. I don’t even care anymore”.

Robinson hasn’t been one to sit on his laurels and besides utilizing his fluent French to request superstar Henderson’s release from Catalans, he’s tried his best to fill the gaps in his roster. Dale Copley and Kodi Nikorima were sickened by Wayne Bennett’s dry craggy face so decided to move to a team where the coach’s face is shiny and overly moisturized. There was always a question of who would replace RTS at the back and despite young gun Latrell Mitchell having big raps, Robinson is confident that Blake Ferguson will be able to plug that hole. After all a fullback does need dexterous digits. Joe Burgess is the latest Englishman to come and test the NRL waters and at 21 years of age (but looking all of 16 in the face), he’s sure to test opposition defences as well as the ID checking protocols of the Clovelly Hotel.

Some say that the Roosters are clearing the decks for a big signing or two in 2017. More optimistic fans may say they are preparing to give Brendan Elliot a massive pay bump after he makes Origin this year. Sonny Bill is unaware of all this…when he checks his bank account there hasn’t been a missing payment from an N. Politis with the deposit descrption “Daddy loves you”. But what even is a salary cap?

Roosters to finish as low as 10-12th but likely higher when they sign someone else mid season from another team after being sacked from their current club for disciplinary reasons.

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