Season Preview 2016 – Penrith Panthers

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Penrith PanthersGus Gould’s “5 Year Plan” turns into “Plan Infinity” as the Panthers look to improve on a medi-Oak-re 2015 season.

This plan involved getting rid of Ivan Cleary and replacing him with Anthony Griffin. Peter Wallace would feel like a character from horror movie It Follows as Griffin continues to haunt him at every club he goes to. Will Wallace play the full season or be shunned again for a younger – and in hindsight – better half?

Soward is still the go to man in this years squad. Weird gun-slinging gestures aside, Jamie has shown that an in form Soward can fire. If he avoids injury, he may be able to extend his life in the NRL by rescinding his self imposed ultimatum to walk away from the game if he sucked in 2016. The fact that he has set up a side business to charge mobile phones may be an early sign of his intentions.

Merrin moved to Penrith from the surf side of Woolongong and St George Illawarra in order to not be distracted by his smoking hot girlfriend Sally Fitzgibbon. This pent up virility on those long drives to Penrith will be used to good effect by coach Griffin, hopefully curing Merrin of his usually sluggish style of play and having Merrin humping the ground harder than Michael Hancock.

Moylan has the pressure of a scuba diver this season. After missing much of last season, Penrith fans are hoping to see some of the skills which have touted him as the next Darren Lockyer. They also expect him to get voice surgery to sound like Darren Lockyer, tackle people while drunk in the street like Darren Lockyer and paint himself gold like the statue at Suncorp Stadium of Darren Lockyer. If he doesn’t get Penrith to a top eight spot, Gus Gould is going to drop him, and recruit Darren Lockyer.

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