Season Preview 2016 – New Zealand Warriors

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New Zealand Warriors2016 is a shaping up to be a big year for the team from across the ditch. In a pretty big year for recruiting, the Warriors have had an almost complete overhaul of their spine. Without a doubt their most valuable signing will be wily half Jeff Robson, but shine some light on some of their other lesser known signings as well.

Isaac Luke for example has replaced Nathan Friend. Although Friend beats Luke in upside down backflip try assists, if you look at literally every other stat that has ever been complied in the history of Rugby League, Luke is an upgrade. He will also bring some of the culture he has learnt over the years playing at Souths, like bringing cups of tea to Russell Crowe and Julie Burgess while they lie in bed in the morning. If Nathan Friend attempted this maneuver, there would surely be third degree scrotal burns on the intended cuppa recipient.

Roger Tuivasa-Sheck has come to Auckland to replace the departing Sam Tomkins. (Just on that…did we all have a communal dream? Was Tomkins really here for two seasons? During his time in NZ he was such a myth that Peter Jackson has optioned a 3 part movie series). RTS however is truly a Rugby League dream. He can step off a 50 cent piece (which are round in New Zealand FYI), he busts tackles more than Koni Hurrell busts a nut and he even pulled a man from out of a flaming car wreck last year in Sydney. Be prepared to hear “Here comes the Hot-Stepper” by In Kamoze blasted over the speakers at Mt Smart Stadium ad nauseam next year.

Blake Ayshford will get 2 games.

Besides the recruits, the Warriors already have some solid players in their roster. Ben Matulino is the best prop in the world on his day. Bodene Thompson is so underated, I’ve seen hipsters wear t-shirts with his face on it. Kata and Lolohea are as exciting young prospects as you’ll see. Jonathon Wright exists.

With the side on paper as is, coach Andrew “Cappy” McFadden surely has a nervous boner; excited by the prospect of what he can do, but “capping” his pants that if he fails to get the best out of this bunch he will surely be out of a job. Hot-tip: The Warriors to sign Ivan Cleary mid season (purely because his hair matches one of their 15 jerseys) and to make a late run deep into the finals.

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